Qrow & Ruby
by Shinnypichu88
Summary: Ruby lives with her Uncle Qrow, and he takes her on all sorts of adventures! It is on these adventures that Ruby learns more and more about the human condition and about how nothing in life matters!
1. Stage 1

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

 _Stage 1: Drunk Shenanigans!_

* * *

Act 1

* * *

Ruby had been having such a nice dream before her uncle Qrow had woken her up. In said dream, she'd been the mighty Superior All Might! SAM was a mighty hero who protected the weak, defended the innocent, and fought in the name of justice! This particular dream had featured the villainous Cinder & friends, an organization bent on pain and suffering! The evil group had been trying to destroy the Land of Gumdrops and Ice Cream, and SAM had been about to unleash her super eye beams at them!

Then Qrow happened.

Now it was 2am, and she was being dragged out of bed and into the garage by a very drunk Uncle Qrow who seemed to be in the mood for an adventure!

A late night adventure.

Ruby hated late night adventures, they always tended to end badly.

"Ouch! Hey, stop pulling! Let go! I can walk myself!" Ruby whined, but her complaints fell on death ears as her parental figure put her in the passenger's seat of his car, and before long they were up in the air!

Oh yeah, Uncle Qrow had a flying car he named The Crow.

After a couple of moments in the air, Ruby broke the silence with a question "So… Why did you drag me out of bed on a school night?"

Qrow turned to her mid-drink, finished it, tossed the empty flask in the back and asked "What do you think of this flying car sport?" he slurred.

"What. Qrow, we've had this car for years!"

Qrow popped open a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and chugged it before responding "I ha- I had to build a bomb Ruby."

"Wait what?"

"Yeah short stuff, a bomb. It's in the back, and imana drop it down there and create a whole new fresh start Ruby!"

"Oh my god!"

"Relax…" Qrow tossed the empty Blue Ribbon in the back and pulled out a bottle of scotch "It's gonna be good…" he muttered before opening it and pouring some down his throat.

"How?!"

"Right now, we're gonna go and pick up your little friend Jaune" Qrow said between pauses

"Why?!"

"Because Rubish, when I drop that thing I want- I want you to have something, something nice! It'll be like a whole new Adam and Eve! You'll be Adam, and he'll be your Eve!

Ruby's mouth was hanging open, what this really happening?

"Wait, wouldn't I be Eve?" She asked, before remembering that there were bigger things at play here than word choice! "No, no, no! That's not important right now!"

"I get what you're trying to say kid, and don't worry… You don't gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jaune or anything, I'm not that kinda guy! Some people are, but not me!"

"Wha-? You-! What about Pyrrah!" Ruby questioned, she was pretty sure Jaune and Pyrrah were a thing!

Qrows eyes widened, and for a second Ruby actually believed her strategy had succeeded!

How naïve she'd been.

Qrow turned to his honorary niece and said "Dam Ruby, didn't know you had it in you. That's my best bud's daughter for you, Summer was into some pretty kinky shit too!"

 _Ruby,EXE has crashed._

"Then again, you're only 15… I guess we can postpone your harem until you're older."

[ARMING NEUTRINO BOMB.]

Having figuratively rebooted, Ruby let out a battle cry before leaping for the wheel.

"Ruby wha-! What are you doing!?"

"That's it Qrow, enough is enough!"

"What's gotten into you?!"

"I'm taking charge of this situation!"

"Alright, alright, we'll pick up your little harem, bu-!"

"I'm not about to let you blow up our town!"

"Ruby! Alright, alright, god! I'll land this thing, I'll land!" Qrow said, and Ruby stepped trying to take the wheel. "Piece of shit, when did you become little miss though guy?" Qrow muttered as he landed the car at a local park a couple of minutes away from home. He stepped out once he was sure it stopped moving, but didn't get very far before falling on his face. Before passing out he congratulated Ruby on passing some sort of test.

Ruby pinched the bridge of her nose.

She hated late night adventures.

[NEUTRINO BOMB ARMED.]

Ruby's eyes widened as the car began to beep. The beeping steadly grew louder and louder as each second passed. Ruby glanced at the back seat where the bomb sat and muttered…

"Oh no…"

* * *

Act 2

* * *

Ruby had gotten back at the crack of dawn, and had freshened up, dumped Qrow on the couch, and headed off to school before realizing she'd missed breakfast.

Ruby had been in the process of opening her locker, hoping to find something edible inside, when a hand slammed it shut.

"Hello Ruby~" the speaker purred from behind her, and Ruby flinched, why today?

"Oh! G-good morning Cinder!" Ruby nervously greeted

She was slammed against the lockers for her troubles

"Good morning? What's that supposed to mean? Are you mocking me? is that it you little shit?!" Cinder slammed Ruby against the lockers for every accusation.

"Oh, god no! I was ju-!"

"Just what? Mocking me for my eye patch!? The eye patch you gave me!?" Cinder asked before pulling out an ice cream scooper.

"Oh geez Cinder, I think the weapon's unnecessary... Y-you're being pretty effective without it!"

Cinder slammed Ruby harder against the lockers "Are you trying to tell me how I should be reproaching someone?! Big mistake Rose! Now I'm show you why you shouldn't mock a partly blind woma-!" Cinder let out a shriek as she was frozen solid from behind. She dropped her weapon on the ground as she froze and it shattered like glass

"Raisenberry Flapjacks?!" Ruby cried upon witnessing the event unfold.

"Ruby, there you are!" Qrow said as he put away his Freezing Taser. "Listen to me, I have an errand to run a few towns over and need a ride!"

"Qrow? w-what'd you do to Cinder?!"

"Pretty obvious Ruby, I froze her! Now come on, let's go!"

"I-I don't know Qrow, I can't keep missing school like this... and I can't just leave her here!" Ruby motions to the frozen Cinder, her expression is one of raw terror. Qrow glances at Ruby, and glares at the statue, then glances back to Ruby.

"I'll do it later, she'll be fine! Come on!" Qrow demanded, dragging Ruby by the hand and running off. As they left the duo bumped into the statue, causing it to nearly fall, but it was able to stay standing. It was then that Emerald walked by, and her face brightened up upon noticing her BFF!

'Cinder! and she's alone! This will be the story we tell our own children!' Emerald thought.

"G-good morning mam! how's your day been?" she nervously asked.

Cinders frozen form merely tilted and fell to the floor, shattering into a bunch of tiny pieces.

Emerald dropped her books, and just stared.

Then she started screaming, and wailing as nearby students gathered around the shattered body of their late student council president.

* * *

Act 3

* * *

"So… Where are we going?"

"Vale."

Ruby turned "Why?"

"Hey, hands on the road moron!"

Ruby quickly turned her attention back to the road they were currently on, but her question still hung in the air.

"Seems your sister got herself into a pickle, and I've been put in charge of her rehabilitation."

 _To_ ** _Be_** _Continued_ ** _…_**


	2. Special Stage

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

 **Special Stage: F &O+**

* * *

 **LancasterForever** _chapter 1_

[Sees the cover photo] Oh! Are we doing this?  
[Reads the fic] Yep! We're doing this.

* * *

Yep, we are~

* * *

 **Mr Gaming** _chapter 1_

The cover and the name remind me of Rick and Morty.

* * *

That was the idea~

* * *

 **merendinoemiliano** _chapter 2_

Weird story, but nice. I'm curious to see whath mess will do Qrow(he's my favourite charachter and despite whath Monty said, i still love him as Ruby's father. Also because she's my waifu). Good work and good year.

* * *

Let's hope I meet your expectations!

* * *

 **the Composcreator** _chapter 1_

i know there was one originally postedon this site that actually happened in remant, with Grimm. heck, the first chapter (the only one posted) where qrow does this bomb stunt he says it will erase all grimm from the planet

* * *

I found it, it was hilarious!

* * *

 **the Composcreator** _chapter 2_

don't be sorry for that...but at least don't copy and past the dialogue from the show onto our characters. i don't see Ruby stuttering like morty

* * *

Don't worry, I won't. Also it was less stuttering and more nervousness on her part~

* * *

Anyway, I've extended the length and may follow this formula moving forward! Enjoy, because the next chapters in development~

PS: Ch1 and 2 used to be part of the new Ch 1~

I'll fix any mistakes I catch, but feel free to point'em out or ask questions, or just leave what you think~

* * *

[So long, farewell!]


	3. Stage 2

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

Last time on _Qrow and Ruby_...

Qrow nearly destroys the town and Cinder Fall dies. Additionally, Ruby's sister, Yang, is in some sort of trouble?!

* * *

 _Stage 2: Yangtastic Yang_

* * *

Act 1

* * *

"Do you have any idea how much your little stunt is going to cost the school?!"

Yang continued to chew her gum, but she did raise an eyebrow in curiosity. Her attitude only served to anger the speaker further.

"You... Do you even care?!"

Yang continued to chew her gum, she even made a bubble!

"Poor Cardin may never walk again!"

Yang's bubble popped "Serves him right." she muttered and went back to chewing the bubble's remains.

"That's no excuse young lady!" The speaker yelled. The speaker was none other than Peter Port. The ultimate guidance councilor/professor of the prestigious Beacon Academy. "Did you even bother to consider how those poor squirrel's felt when you used them for your scheme?!"

Yang didn't even have the decency to look ashamed. This only made Port more flustered. "I've had it! You may be talented, but your attitude leaves much to be desired! Perhaps a change in scenery is in order for you Missy!" At that moment, a certain person knocked on the professor's door.

"I came over as soon as I heard, Yang what were you thinking?!" her father, Taiyang, scolded as he entered the room.

"I wasn't thinking?" Yang asked cheekly

"Mr. Xiao Long, you're daughters expelled."

"What?!"

"She's welcome to come back again for the next term, but Ozpin feels that she could learn a thing or two about responsibility!"

Yang snorted, and Tai glared at her. He hated to admit it, but Port may have been right. The drive home was rather uneventful, and upon actually arriving home, Yang got in the shower.

"Where do you think you're going?" Tai asked when he caught her in a fresh change of cloths.

Yang glanced at her father, her head tilted in curiosity "out?"

"You were expelled, for an incident that made the local news no less!"

"Really, only local?"

"Yang Xiao Long!"

Yang put her hands in the air, and marched into her room with a sheepish expression on her face.

Taiyang rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. He couldn't skimp out on his job, but he couldn't leave this girl home alone either! Did she not realize the seriousness of her actions?!

Catching sight of a crow that flew by his window, Tai had an epihany!

Qrow didn't have much responsibilities, and he lived out in the boonies! Perhaps...

* * *

Act 2

* * *

"I have a sister?" Ruby asked. This certainly was news to her.

"She's a couple of years older than you, you two share a father."

"I have a father?!"

"...yes?"

"Why am I just hearing about this now?!"

"...Honestly, I was a little drunk when I took you in and kinda just forgot you were his kid... Then some shit happened and here we are."

"Some stuff just happened...? Snickerdoodles Qrow! You can't just drop a bomb like that and leave me hanging like this!"

"Shh, shh, shh! Daddy's got a hangover..." Qrow whined before he started to snore. Ruby let out a suppressed squeal in frustration.

She hoped his hangover got worse!

Suddenly his phone started ringing. If it wasn't for Qrow throwing the ringing cell at her, Ruby would have paid it no mind.

Mustering her best Qrow impression, Ruby answered "Yo."

"Qrow? Are you coming or not?"

"Yes." with that, Ruby hung up. That would show that old drunk to throw a phone at a lady!

* * *

Act 3

* * *

Tai glared at the phone in his hand, as if doing so would somehow carry over to the man on the other side. Was there ever a time of day where Qrow wasn't drunk? Still, he'd sounded strange.

"Yang, come down here!" he said. This, this could work.

"Yeah dad?" the teen asked, she'd been playing games it seemed.

"We need to talk."

"Can it wait?"

"Now Yang."

Yang shrugged, set the controller she'd been holding on the nearby coffee table, and plopped down on the couch.

"Why'd you do it?"

Yang crossed her arms, and let herself relax on the couch. For added effect, she crossed her legs too.

"I'm going to hear the full story eventually. Do you want me to hear it from you, or someone else?"

Yang frowned.

"Fine. It was beca-!"

Suddenly Qrow burst through the door.

"Here's Johnny!"

 _To_ ** _Be_** _Continued **...**_


	4. Special Stage I

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

 **Special Stage: F &O+ **

* * *

**the Composcreator** _chapter 3_

well now we are getting somewhere! original content!

* * *

It was always meant to be, I just got the main idea from Rick and Morty.

I want to test out some ideas for an original work here, naturally the idea's won't be the same in the original work... This is a beta~

If that makes sense!

* * *

Anyway, I hope to keep a format. Full names will be used when the characters are "introduced" (they must be in the scene too!) for the first time in the description. I may also use'em again for dramatic effect...

I'm going to try to stick to "question type" reviews and answer'em here, unless reviewer's would prefer a PM, etc.

Also I'll fix any mistakes I catch, but feel free to point'em out!

I do love reviews! Leaving feedback, and asking questions are greatly appreciated.

Make me feel feeeeeeeeelllllsss~

* * *

[So long, farewell!]


	5. Stage 3

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

Last time on _Qrow and Ruby_...

Yang caused a big rukas, and got expelled! Also, Ruby learned she has a sister, and a father?!

* * *

 _Stage 3:_ _Bastard Pt 1_

* * *

Act 1

* * *

"Qrow, did you just break down my door?"

Qrow glanced at the fallen piece of wood. "So it would seem..."

"What?"

"It was for dramatic effect Tai, dramatic effect. Hey there Yang, how's my oldest niece doing?"

"Uncle Qrow? What are you doing here!"

"Your dad asked me to come, sorry it took so long for me to get here. I'm a bit hungover."

"Wait, what?"

Taiyang figured that now was the time to rein in control of the conversation. "I called Qrow earlier today, and asked him for a favor. Fact is, you need to keep a low profile and that means you can't stay here."

"So I get to stay with Qrow until everything blows over, awesome!"

"Can you at least pretend to feel guilty over what you've done?!"

"Why would I feel guilty over protecting the innocent?"

"Yang, i'm pretty sure those squirrels did nothing wrong."

"wait, wait, wait, you called me here to babysit?" Qrow questioned "i've already got a mouth to feed. I thought you wanted me to play the part of bad cop in this rehabilitation thing?"

"I'll pay you." Taiyang said before focusing back on Yang. "and you're staying with your uncle to keep a low profile."

"yeah, yeah, just let me go pack!"

"Yang!" Taiyang called after her, but she was gone. Qrow awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "She seems like a free spirit..."

"You don't know the half of it." Taiyang muttered

"This is why I bring Ruby along everywhere, she's shapping up to be just like me!"

Taiyang looked horrified.

"You know, without the alcoholism and crippling self-lothing."

Taiyang relaxed, then realized a certain thing Qrow had said. "Wait, you said you bring her everywhere... Does that mean you brought her here?"

"Who do you think drove me?"

That caught Taiyang's attention "What are you doing making her drive?"

"eh? It's fine, she's got her license."

"S-she does does she?"

"Which reminds me... She should really fix that door." Qrow muttered as he pulled out his phone and sent the girl a quick text "Now, why exactly does Yang need to keep a low profile?"

* * *

Act 2

* * *

Ruby wasn't sure how to react to the news of an extended family she'd known nothing about, so she took it the only way she knew how.

By ignoring it!

PMoney: So he just told you out of the blue?

SAM: Yeah, and what's worse, he didn't even bother to explain anything to me! It was all "some stuff just happened" before he passed out!

PMoney: Perhaps you could do some research on the subject?

SAM: I've already researched everything I could on Summer Rose!

PMoney: Then focus on this "Yang" and your mystery dad?

Ruby blinked, that wasn't such a bad idea! She knew there was a reason she and Pyrrah were friends! Suddenly, Ruby's phone vibrated, signifying a message, upon inspecting it she frowned.

SAM: I gotta go, Qrow seems to have caused some property damage.

PMoney: Don't waste this chance, find out as much as you can while you're there!

SAM: Will do.

[ _SAM has left the chat..._ ]

Ruby nodded to herself, and shut her laptop.

She had a history to claim!

* * *

Act 3

* * *

Ruby had avoided eye contact with the blond man in the room she assumed must have been her father. If only because of how familiar he seemed to be with Qrow, his voice also sounded a bit like it had on the phone, and got to work on reattaching the mans door to the door frame.

This was awkward...

"I'll have her help around the house, but she might have to sleep in Ruby's room..."

"Isn't your house pretty big?"

"Yeah but it's full of garbage that we don't feel like throwing out, rooms we use for weapon maintenance, that sorta thing."

"I see, well this should give them a chance to get to know each other!" Taiyang said before glancing over at Ruby, who flinched under his gaze, did he notice she'd finished fixing the door and was eavesdropping?! "Hey, I know we've technically never met face to face, but I'm Taiyang... You're biological father and stuff..."

"Ah... that's fine... I honestly didn't know you existed until the drive over..."

"I-I see!" Taiyang said and Qrow laughed at the expression on his face. "Sorry about that Tai, I thought I'd told her earlier but it seems the info had slipped my mind!"

Whatever form of conversation had been developing from this awkward exchange of words was abruptly halted by the sound of a suitcase hitting the floor. All three occupants in the room turned to the source, and were met with the expression of shock that painted Yang's face.

 _To_ ** _Be_** _Continued **...**_


	6. Special Stage II

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

 **Special Stage: F &O+ **

* * *

**merendinoemiliano** _chapter 4_

We knew

* * *

Just making sure it's clear.

* * *

 **BetterTitles** _chapter 5_

Well, this is definitely getting interesting.

"...Without the alcoholism and self-loathing."

I... am honestly not so sure about that. Although the alcoholism would make a pretty interesting chapter...

* * *

Qrow, or Ruby?

* * *

 **KuletXCore** _chapter 5_

It's "Pyrrha", you kept misspelling it as "Pyrrah".  
I like this remix, though. Imma rec it soon.  
Followed!

PS: Qrow and Ruby a hundred years!

* * *

Thanks!

Consider it acknowledged, also it's now cannon to the Q&R verse.

Ruby can't pronounce Pyrrha's name~

She thinks and says it as "Pyrrah"

Feel proud of your hand in this lol XD

* * *

 **the Composcreator** _chapter 5_

I'm waiting for Winter to show up  
Q: U hot but also a bit of a b # so lets just f # with no strings  
W: No  
Q: Ok. i'll just smash some mermaid pus  
Pulls out portal gun  
Q: See you

and just imagine Jaune meeting Yang and Qrow being like

Q: i can see all thre of you getting together  
RJY: What?  
Q: He's basically a mini version of your dad so it makes sense

* * *

o3o

* * *

I'll try to avoid posting a _Special Stage_ without chapter unless I have no choice.

The "bastard" saga ends with Stage 4, and a new story begins. I figure I should include all of team RWBY at the very least, so look forward to that...

Although, Blake made me angry this Volume.

Not as sick as Cinder, but still kinda peeved at her speech to Adam :(

I do love reviews! Leaving feedback, and asking questions are greatly appreciated.

* * *

[So long, farewell!]


	7. Stage 4

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

Last time on _Qrow and Ruby_...

Ruby met her father.

* * *

 _Stage 4: Bastard Pt 2_

* * *

Act 1

* * *

No one spoke.

Until Qrow snorted, keeled over, and broke out into a fit of laughter. Ruby pouted, Qrow was being awfully rude! She watched as the manchild who raised her continued to laugh, like Jaune on laughing gas, and found herself growing angry.

This, this absolute jerk!

He'd dragged her out of bed at 2am and brought her along for a glorified drunken rampage, committed questionable assault, pressured a minor into ditching school, made her drive him on a three hour trip to Vale, dropped the bomb in the form of a biological family out of nowhere, threw a phone at her, made her fix a door he broke, and now he had the gall to treat this situation like a joke!?

Ruby did what anyone would have done in this situation.

She kicked him.

"Dad, who's that?" Yang asked, carefully watching the small brunette as she treated her uncle like a soccer ball. Taiyang drew a big breath in an effort to keep his panic from showing. Did Yang not hear what he said earlier?

"Oh, who? Her?" He asked grabbing the little girl by the shoulders, stopping her assault, Yang nodded in acknowledgement. "Well, this is Ruby Branwe-!"

"Rose." Ruby interrupted, Qrow snorted, It seemed this Ruby kids kicks were nothing to write home about.

"Rose, and she's your uncle's ugh..."

"Glorified meat shield!"

"Glori-! Wait, what?!" At Taiyang's gaping expression Qrow and Ruby giggled. Taiyang frowned.

"Kid, seriously? I'm trying to be a dad here."

Ruby cracked a sheepish grin, one Yang thought reminded her of her dads, and apologized. "Sorry, I'm actually my uncle's human cloaking device!"

Taiyang was unamused.

However, Yang was. "So she's a mini, cuter version of Qrow? What, you never hear of condoms before old man?" Yang teased.

Qrow, who'd been searching himself for his emergency flask, which was also his lucky flask, frowned. "Hey, hey, hey! She's **your** half-sister, not mine!"

"What?!" purple irises turned red.

Qrow continued "If you want to scold anyone on the importance of proper condom use, look no further than your own genetic code!"

Taiyang facepalmed.

Yang fumed.

Ruby however, Ruby had long sense bolted.

* * *

Act 2

* * *

[ _SAM has joined the chat..._ ]

SAM: I LEARNED TO MUCH!

vbOY: ?

PMoney: Isn't that a good thing?

SAM: I NEED BRAIN BLEACH!

vBOY: What did you learn?

SAM: MANY THINGS, MANY CONFUSING THINGS!

PMoney: start with what you understand.

[ _Queen has joined the chat..._ ]

Queen: What are you all talking about?

PMoney: SAM learned that she's a bastard child.

vBOY: Didn't we already know that, I mean she lives with Qrow?

Queen: Qrow isn't her father you idiot, my sister can vouch for that.

PMoney: How does she fit into all this?

Queen: I'd rather not ask questions I don't want to know the answers to.

SAM: I just got out of there.

Queen: Where are you?

SAM: Vale.

vBOY: Is that why you didn't show up to school today? I was worried about you! We all thought you got caught up in that mess with Cinder! If it wasn't for Pyrrha telling us that you were fine we may have ditched school to check up on you!

PMoney: Jaune, using my real name defeats the purpose of a username.

SAM: Wait, what happened to cinder?!

PMoney: Oh she died. Anyway, why'd you run off? I thought you wanted answers!

SAM: SHE DIED!? D:

PMoney: Ruby, focus!

SAM: He said she would be fine!

vBOY: Wait, who did?

Queen: I understand everything now.

Queen: Forget about Cinder Ruby! Tell us about this bastard business!

Ruby rubbed her eyes, Cinder died?! How sad.

Moving her laptop off her lap, and setting it on the passengers seat, Ruby opened a compartment on cars the back seats. It connected the inside of the car to the trunk and held a cooler. This was her cooler, there were many others like it, but this one was hers. Popping it open, she pulled out a bottle of cola and drank like a thirsty athlete.

Ah, that hit the spot!

Bringing her attention back to her laptop, Ruby shock her head in an effort to forget about all that Cinder business. She was dead, and that was the end of it. It seemed like everyone was getting worried over her silence, time to fix that!

SAM: Sorry about that, needed some liquid coverage!

Queen: At the rate you inhale sweet things, you're going to get diabetes before you get fat.

SAM: You're just jelly! Anyway, I met my dad and sister...

vBOY: and?

SAM: and I decided to continue ignoring the problem! I have names and the internet, it's enough!

Queen: You dunce.

[ _Queen has left the chat..._ ]

SAM: Wiess?

PMoney: Again, usernames!

SAM: I gotta go to, I see them coming down and I want McDonald's!

[ _SAM has left the chat..._ ]

Ruby shut her laptop and pushed the cooler back to its original place. It would seem that her newly discovered half-sister was staying with them after all!

* * *

Act 3

* * *

Yang sat in the back, watching the little brunette and Qrow argue over going to McDonald's or Burger King, and fiddled her thumbs.

God this was awkward.

With nothing to do, and not really caring much for either fast food chain, Yang was left to contemplate Qrows earlier words.

 _Flashback..._

 _Qrow had started drinking out of his flask once it became apparent that Ruby had fled. Yang had to hand it to her, she was fast!_

 _Yang glared at her father "All that talk about using protection, and you had a bastard child this whole time?"_

 _"Now lis-!"_

 _"and she's what, Sixteen?"_

 _"Fourteen." Qrow corrected, putting his flask away "And it's complicated."_

 _Red eyes switched targets, and Yang glared at her uncle "Complicated how?"_

 _Qrow shot Yang a defeated grin, that quickly morphed into a smirk "Figure it out yourself."_

 _End of Flashback..._

 _Figure it out yourself_ he'd said. It seemed he fully expected her to pull her own weight while she stayed with them. That was fine, it was a fitting punishment for that colossal fuck up at school. She'd been trying to help Velvet, but only made it worse. Yang began to chuckle to herself. Yeah, this would be the perfect thing to keep her occupied, and who knows, perhaps she'd like this "Ruby" kid.

Up front, Ruby glanced at Qrow "Why's she chucking like an evil mastermind?" she whispered.

Qrow avoided her gaze "Just pretend it isn't there..." he whispered back.

They decided on Panda Express.

 _To_ ** _Be_** _Continued **...**_


	8. Special Stage III

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

 **Special Stage: F &O+ **

* * *

**Stino** _chapter 7_

This is one of the few fics i should not read during class due to my sheer incapability to contain my chuckles... please continue this fic, i need mroe of this to endure my classes!

* * *

OK!

* * *

 **Knights** _chapter 7_

It's Weiss not Wiess.

* * *

Consider this another example of Ruby's illiteracy.

* * *

 **BetterTitles** _chapter 7_

Huh, you can still somehow fit comedy into something as 'stressful' as familial tension. That's talent right there.

And for the alcoholism, I meant specifically on Ruby's part (yes, I am a screwed up person. I found that out years ago.) Not only would it be interesting for a chapter (or a part of the story as a whole), but there isn't much depth you could go into for Qrow's alcoholism. Unless if you wanted him to be her influence, but otherwise I have no ideas.

Either way, good night and I'll see you in the next chapter.

* * *

That's what I'm aiming for!

As for the alcoholism... You give me a horrible idea (laughs evilly)

She is addicted to sweets though, so there's a much more tame example~

* * *

 **the Composcreator** _chapter 7_

awwwww! this means no Velvet! unless he decides to visit Yang!

* * *

030

* * *

 **Bomberguy789** _chapter 6_

Yang sucks. As in, she's a total bitch. Like jeez, what the hell happened? I really want some background info on everything, from the relationship between Qrow and Raven, to team STRQ, to what the hell happened to Yang.

* * *

I do hope I manage to answer your questions in time!

* * *

Look forward to _Stage 5: Enabler_ (it's basically, done. I'm just checking for consistence, etc.)

The new "Enabler" saga begins with Stage 5, and we'll even get a new character introduced!

Also, Cinder died in chapter 1 and no one's said anything about it... I don't know how to feel about that...

I do love reviews! Leaving feedback, and asking questions are greatly appreciated.

* * *

[So long, farewell!]


	9. Stage 5

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

Last time on _Qrow and Ruby_...

Ruby has a small meltdown, and Yang resolves to make the best of her situation.

* * *

Stage 5: Enabler

* * *

Act 1

* * *

Ruby hadn't bothered trying to attend Cinders funeral, she'd been too busy making up missed work, and she was sure it had been a private affair. Thankfully, today was Saturday so she had the whole day to herself!

Well, she would have if it wasn't for...

"So what do you do for fun around here?" Yang asked as she looked around the room. Ruby's room looked like it had come straight out of a si-fi. The girl sat in front of what looked like a super computer, what Yang assumed were spare parts were scattered all over the place, and she had all sorts of weeb shit everywhere! The only plain thing Ruby seemed to own was a bed, and was that a blocky sniper riffle!?

"Stuff." Ruby replied, her eyes didn't leave the screen.

"What kind of stuff?"

"The important kind."

Yang's eyes flickered for a moment before she took a deep breath to calm down. It was her temper that got her into this mess after all, and she didn't need to make things more awkward between her and her newly discovered sister…

Who didn't seem to have any friends.

Like at all.

She'd been here two days and the girl had stayed in her room the whole time! Ruby only seemed to leave the house for school, bathroom breaks, and food!

Glancing at the screen, Yang caught the key words "Xiao Long" and "Branwen". What was this little twerp doi-?!

"Are you looking up info on your family?" Yang asked upon realization and Ruby stiffened.

"I'll take that as a yes, you could just ask you know?"

"You really are related to uncle Qrow, you're both dirty screen lookers..." Ruby muttered

"You let me in."

Ruby flinched, she had indeed unlocked the door when the older girl asked to hang out.

"How about you let me help?"

"Why?"

Yang frowned, why indeed…

 _"Figure it out yourself…"_

Oh yeah, that.

 _"Sugar chicken sucks…"_

She didn't need to remember the irrelevant stuff!

 _"Sorry…"_

"Cuse I wanna get to know you!" Yang grinned, and Ruby blushed before turning away. Huh? Oh, ho, ho! That's how this way! "Aw that's adorable, you're sh-!" Ruby covered her face, and let out a cry in embarrassment as Yang burst out laughing.

It seemed they'd get along fine.

* * *

Act 2

* * *

Fievel looked both ways before crossing, just like his moma told him, and ran across the empty hallway. Tanya had asked him to stay put, but he couldn't do nothing while his family starved! He remembered seeing some cookies in the biggest room, and he doubted anyone would catch him during the zero hour!

A sudden gasp caught his attention, and a human let out a cry before launching a giant knife at him. Fievel cried out in terror, and ran as fast as he could under the sitting mountain. However, the human hadn't given up! It was sheer luck that Fievel had decided to climb up the mountain through the back as the ground began to freeze. Human magic, and it had blocked the way back!

Tears started to form at the corner of Fievel's eyes. He was going to die here wasn't he? He was going to die because he didn't listen to Tanya, who'd warned him about today! Suddenly, he caught sight of another human and pushed everything he had into reaching the top of the mountain and running across it.

There was still hope, he couldn't give up!

This place, this place had to have a gateway!

Suddenly, something caught his eye.

It was a red thing.

It was… mesmerizing!

Fievel charged at it, he couldn't help himself he had to have it! He ha-! SHINNNNNY!

The humans trying to kill him failed, taken aback by his sudden burst of speed, and the cold time smelling one panicked when she realized where he was heading. However, they were too late and Fievel touched the pretty rock before the poison smelling one could stop him.

There was a flash!

And Fievel was no more.

 _Do you ever wish upon the stars?_

* * *

Act 3

* * *

"Well shit." Qrow muttered upon realizing that a rat had taken off with the emerald.

"Well shit? Well shit?! Is that all you have to say?!"

"Hey, don't yell at me ice queen, you didn't notice him either!"

"and who's fault do you think that was?"

"You didn't seem to mind~"

"I-you- You arrogan-!"

"Uncle Qrow, I heard yelling an-! Why's Wiess's sister here?" Ruby asked as she took in the scene.

"Important Qrow stuff Rubz, and before you ask, a Rat got in and messed things up." He answered. He spotted Yang outside the room looking awkward.

"Do you mean Mr. Bonkers? He's alive!"

"Not for long he's not."

"Qrow, noooo!"

"Go back to your room Ruby, and if you see a giant red emerald be a dear and bring it to me please?"

Ruby pouted, but Yang walked up behind her and asked "How big is this giant red emerald?"

"About the size of a baseball, now can you please see yourselves out? We need to make a phone call." Winter asked

Yang nodded, and grabbing Ruby by the arm, dragged her out of the room.

It was time to bond!

Qrow watched the two go, and turned to Winter "Does this mean no mo-!" He was silenced when Winter tossed her sword at him.

 _To_ ** _Be_** _Continued **...**_


	10. Stage 6

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

Last time on _Qrow and Ruby_...

Yang tries to get to know Ruby, also a mouse named Fieval steals a shinny thing.

* * *

Stage 6: Enabler pt2

* * *

Act 1

* * *

Fievel felt great!

Best he'd felt in years and it was all thanks to the pretty rock!

"F-Fievel... What have you done?!" Tanya asked. She was terrified with the sudden change in her little brother, who had returned home surrounded by a red aura and outright murdered all the other inhabitants in the safe zone, he'd only spared his family.

"I'm trying to help papa! Don't you see Tanya? Now Papa will have plenty of food and space to get better!"

"Wha-but?"

"But you killed all the Doctors!" Fievel's mother yelled. Her shriek woke Fivel's younger sister, Yasha, who began bawling.

Fievel's smile fell, and he stared at his mother in shock. He...he'd killed the doctors? D..did that mean his Papa's fate was sealed?!

 _Earlier, I asked if you ever wished upon the stars?_

Fievel shook his head, no, no, no! He, he'd hurt people?! He-wha-!

What had he done?!

"Ah! I've detected signs of life, preparing to secure!" Penny said to herself upon spotting the small group of mice "However, one seems to be ill, analyzing now..."

Fievel glanced up at the giant who'd just found him, and despaired. He... He didn't want this!

"Energy spike detected! Uploading warning t-!"

The Mousekewitz family, and Penny Polendina, were engulfed in a blinding red light and the shed was no more.

* * *

Act 2

* * *

"Ruby I understand that you don't want to find the rat, but look at it this way, Qrow can't kill it if you find it first!"

Ruby blinked, and rubbed the bottom of her chin in thought, Yang did have a point. As for Yang, she was just happy that her bonding attempt stopped losing steam. "You make a fantastic point, alright let's go!"

Yang shook her fist in triumph as Ruby motioned for her to follow. The sisters made their way to the backyard where a small shack stood.

"This is a place I affectionately call the safe haven, it's where all the critters live!" Ruby explained as she opened the shacks front door. She was about to step inside, but a foul odor stopped the duo in their tracks.

"Oh god, what's that awful smell!" Yang cried, holding her nose in disgust, and approached the front door to get a better look. Ruby was already on the ground, impersonating a mother bird, and Yang joined her upon witnessing the inside of the shack.

It was disgusting, like a scene straight out of a snuff film, the entire room was painted in blood. What Yang assumed were the corpses of the critters Ruby had claimed were protected here littered the interior.

"What are you two doing just standing around?" Winter demanded as she exited the houses backdoor and over to the two. "Weren't you supposed to be looking for th-! My word, what happened here?!"

"Someth- Something must have gotten inside and murdered all the critters!" Ruby cried, what sort of monster would do such a thing!?

Winter glared at Qrow.

"Don't look at me, I was with you the whole time and we just finished telling Johnny about the situation."

Winter continued to glare, she clearly didn't believe him.

"Hey, hey, hey, even I have standards Ice Queen." Qrow said, pulling out Box resembling a certain _Mr. Meeseeks Box_ from another fandom. This box was white, green, and orange as opposed to the default colors of the original.

Yang spit whatever remaining bile was left in her mouth and asked "What's that?".

Hm? This is a _Penny Polendina Box_." Pressing the button on top of the box, it summoned a Penny Polendina. "Penny, be a dear and clean this shit up."

"Affirmative!" Penny replied as she summoned a mop modeled after her regular swords "I'm housekeeping ready!" She declared before entering the shack without hesitation.

Qrow tossed the box at the girls, and Yang caught it. "The Penny Polendina Box is a gadget that creates a Penny Polendina for the purpose of completing one given objective. Ruby already knows how it works, so use it to find my rock." Qrow demanded before noticing that Winter was leaving the scene. "And where are you going?"

"I'm all tuckered out for the day, I think I'll head home and try to erase that gruesome image from my mind by being with family"

"But you hate your family?"

Winter didn't reply, and just walked away.

Qrow sighed "Welp, I'm going to the bar, good luck girls!" Qrow said, and exploded in a puff of smoke.

A small crow left the scene.

Yang glanced at the fleeing bird, and then at the box before slowly breaking out in laughter. This was her life now?

Ruby stiffened, and as if acting on instinct, pushed Yang away from the shack just before it was engulfed in a blood red beam of energy and power.

"What the hell?!" Yang cried as Ruby took the Penny Polendina Box from her hands and activated it. A Penny Polendina appeared!

"Ah, hello Ruby! Order 66 has been invoked due to a loss of contact with the previous Penny Polendin-!" She was smashed by a deformed arm like limb that originated from the blinding red light.

"Paaaaaaaapaaaaaaa!" it roared. The limb was attached to a massive blob and it seemed to be made up of everything that had been in the shed at the time. It looked like something out of _Akira_ and the smell it gave off made Uncle Qrows room, after a wild night, feel like an empty hospital room by comparison. Suddenly, the beast paused and slowly turned to glance at them, this was when Ruby was able to identify it's face (a deformation of a mouse, random assortment of critters, and Penny all with an ominous looking third eye.), before it struck.

Both girls let out a scream, and made a mad dash back to the house. Ruby used the Penny Polendina Box to summon a dozen Penny's. They wouldn't last long, with the exception of the original, Penny's were really dumb.

However, they'd by the girls time!

"Is this sort of bullshit normal?" Yang asked as she shut the backdoor and put a chair under the doorknob in hopes of strengthening it.

"Would you be mad if I said yes?" Ruby answered, causing Yang to frown,

The monsters roars could be heard from inside, but Ruby paid them no mind as she ran off to her room to grab something she knew would fix this. Upon obtaining said object and returning to Yang the backdoor was torn from it's place on the wall and Yang got a full view of the carnage. Bits and pieces of Penny's littered the backyard, they hadn't even lasted a minute!

She let out a cry as it prepared to attack, but it was suddenly shot in the third eye that sat in the center of its forehead.

Ruby reloaded.

"and what is that?"

"This? This is my baby, my honey, _Crescent Rose_!" Ruby proudly replied as she took another shot. The room was to small use her weapons true form, but the sniper riffle should be enough. Then the monster started covering it's third eye with a hand, and Ruby realized her bullets were useless against it's iron hard skin.

"I don't think it's working anymore..." Yang muttered.

"Well popsicles. I'm out of ideas." Ruby said as she continued to shoot, in a vain attempt to kill the beast, when it was shot in it's other two eyes.

"When confronting an enemy who's learned to guard against your attacks, it's wise not to do the same thing over and over again". a deep voice said. Ruby gasped, she recognized that voice! It was...

"Johnny!"

"Ruby please, Call me Dr. Ironwood, I worked hard for that Doctorate." He asked as he casually tossed a grenade into the beasts mouth.

It exploded.

Tossing the girl a special pack of ammunition, and paying no mind to Yang, he asked "Use this and hit it's third eye the instant you see an opening."

"Yes sir!" She replied, and took aim.

The fight was magnificent, too magnificent to put into words.

* * *

Act 3

* * *

"So what's that?" Yang asked upon noticing the rock Ironwood picked up from what remained of the monstrosity.

"This? This is none of your business Ms..."

"My names Yang."

"She's Qrows niece, and my sister apparently!"

"His niece? Ah you're her girl then..." He muttered, and Yang frowned. Was he referring to who she thought he was referring to?

"Wait, you knew too?!" Ruby asked

Ironwood had the decency to appear sheepish "I'm good friends with Qrows, and was good friends with most of his old team before... Well, you should really hear it from them" Ruby clenched her first, but otherwise appeared unbothered by Ironwood not giving her a clear answer. "As for what this is, just know that it doesn't concern you." He answered, and put the rock in his lab coat. "Although, I would like it if you gave me that Penny Polendina Box"

"No."

Ironwood frowned, and let out a sigh "It was worth a shot." He muttered before leaving. He was probably going to look for Qrow and Winter.

"So... what now?" Yang asked as she took in the damage.

Ruby pressed the Penny Polendina Box.

 _To_ ** _Be_** _Continued **...**_


	11. Special Stage IV

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

 **Special Stage: F &O+ **

* * *

**the Composcreator** _chapter 10_

yay! first adventure already crazy as balls! now for Yang to meet Jaune and Pyrrha stirring upherbisexual arousal and proposing a threeway. the Qrow shows up, says to make sure Ruby is not left out, so 4-way.

On a more serious note, with Winter and Qrow being in some sort of relationship i see signs is more stable than Rick. While i am personally glad for that as it allows for you to do your own grounded version of the character, i fear the possibility that you will intentionally ruin the relationship just so Qrow can be more unstable and suicidal, just like in that Unity episode.

* * *

Thanks, I figured I should stick to writing an inspired work over a cheap reskin of Rick & Morty.

As for Qrow and Winter, I wonder how I'll handle that can of worms~

* * *

 **Bomberguy789** _chapter 10_

Huh. Well, that's one way to introduce Penny.

And a pretty interesting way too.

* * *

Thanks, I felt this was the best way to go to~

Hope you like how I'll elaborate on her in Stage 7!

* * *

I've made some corrections to old chapters, and decided to include Stage 2 in the _Bastard arc_ for convince sake.

Look forward to _Stage 7: Enabler pt3_

Also, I made a poll. It closes about a week from when this is posted. Feel free to participate~

I do love reviews! Leaving feedback, and asking questions are greatly appreciated.

* * *

[So long, farewell!]


	12. Stage 7

**Qrow & Ruby**

* * *

Last time on _Qrow & Ruby_...

Fieval became a monster, the girls received the Penny Polendina Box, and our story closed on an anti-climactic note.

* * *

Stage 7: Enabler pt3

* * *

Act 1

* * *

Her grace was displeased.

She was very displeased, and disappointed, but mostly displeased. Tyrian Callows knew her so well, for she was his goddess, and he lived to serve her and only her.

He knew very well why she was so displeased.

The brat was dead.

Thankfully Watts had acted fast and, proving that his titles of doctor and scientist were no mere exaggeration, managed to salvage what he could of the plan from the brat's chunky remains. Tyrian had contributed too, and the queen was currently enjoying a delicious martini. What was left of the half dead mutt served as an exotic type of ice that heightened its flavor.

He understood why her majesty favored the girl, yes, but he couldn't help but feel peeved that his gender was the only thing preventing him from serving his queen further.

"How's the doctor's little project coming along?" she asked out of the blue. She was calmer now, she'd been so angry when she had received the news of the brat's death that she'd killed the puppies he'd purchased without a second thought (He'd bought them as sacrifices for her later, but still, such a waste), Tyrian thanked his lucky stars that both he and Watts had managed to calm her down.

"It's coming along well your grace; the good docter is confident that it'll be completed soon"

"How soon."

"By the next full moon!"

"A week then, good." The monster wearing human skin muttered "and what of the back-up?"

"She seems to be developing nicely, when I last spoke with Watts he was confident that there would be no issues"

"Good, but just in case, hasten your search for the spring maiden."

"Understood your grace" he bowed, and took his leave.

The monster finished the drink she'd been prepared. In all her years, she'd never tasted something that had left her so disappointed. Suddenly, a thought occurred.

"Oh Tyrian! If you happen to find an emerald while out on your search be sure to prioritize that instead." The man looked confused for a moment, but his confused expression was quickly replaced with one of resolve. She smiled. Blind as he may be, she knew he wouldn't question her.

Salem, the personification of lust, had a plan.

A plan that hadn't been derailed just because the main player had been taken out of the game early.

* * *

Act 2

* * *

Ruby had asked the Penny's to clean up the mess that had been left over from the last chapter. Being Penny's, and therefore incapable of rational thought, they complied without complaint. Afterword, Ruby was led inside by Yang. Ruby for her part knew the girl would crash. It had happened with Weiss and Jaune, strangely enough only phyrra had taken the shenanigans that happened in Ruby's life well, it was weird. Even still, Ruby hadn't expected the older girl to crash so quickly or take it out on her.

"This is actually pretty normal…" Ruby had said trying to calm the, now red eyed, girl down.

"Oh shut up you silver eyes gremlin!" Red eyes were upon her in seconds and Ruby couldn't stop herself from freezing up in fear. Were her eyes playing tricks on her or was Yangs hair really on fire?!

Fire…

Suddenly, Ruby's world stopped.

"Was that comment supposed to make me feel better?! Because it didn't! Fuck!" The blonde grabbed bundles of her own hair in frustration and began to pace around the room. "First I get expelled from my dream school because I decided to play hero, then everyone I know gives me the cold shoulder, and then I suddenly find out I have a half-sister because my dad never learned how to pull out! But am I in the clear after being forced to move to the boonies? No! Because, as it turns out, my only uncle is a drunk who shouldn't in any way, shape, or form be responsible for another human's well being and I almost die from his bullshit!" Yang then proceeded to unleash all her anger, all her frustrations and pent up rage on!

A chair.

It had been a marvelous chair, a chair that had loyally served its master for over sixteen years, a chair that, if broken, could never be replaced.

A chair Yang had reduced to cinders in seconds.

Turning her attention back to Ruby, who she'd kind of ignored by the end there, Yang's eyes widened. The girl was pale, her eye sight was unfocused, and she was shaking. Had she really scared her that much? Shit, was she hyperventilating?! Yang began to panic. She had no idea what to do! Where was Blake when you needed her?!

[Try splashing her with cold water.] A muffled voice commanded. Yang decided to do just that and began filling a bowl she'd found lying around. This too was a special bowl. It was his first, the first bowl Qrow had ever owned, and like the chair it was irreplaceable.

Yang dumped the ice cold water on Ruby's head, causing the girl to stumble, and Ruby fell flat on her behind with a shriek. "It's cold!" she cried as she began to register her surroundings. There was no fire? Wait…

"um…" Ruby awkwardly began "You didn't see that right?"

Yang narrowed her eyes.

"Right, I didn't think so…"

[Excellent, now quickly you blonde bimbo, dry me off!] Yang jumped upon hearing the strange muffled voice again (she hadn't really registered it earlier, to busy panicking over Ruby), causing the bowl she'd been holding to fall to the floor and shatter, she also realized the voice had come from her pocket.

Her phone was magical?!

[It's not!]

* * *

Act 3

* * *

Ruby took a long sip of her hot coco, prepared for her courtesy of Yang, and let herself relax on her chair. This was her special chair. There were many others like it, but this chair was hers and hers alone.

Yang was sitting on Ruby's bed.

It was all very awkward.

"So… Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really no."

"Are you sure?"

"I just really dislike fire okay!"

"No, no, it's fine, that's cool, lots of people don't like fire. Fire kills thousands each year!"

[Oh my, you two truly are hopeless!]

"Okay, seriously, what the hell is that?!"

Ruby held up the Penny Polendina Box. "It's this, the box is handled by an A.I. that's a lot smarter than the Penny's it can summon. It has a nice little feature that lets it interact with compatible devices nearby"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"That's kinda cool..."

"Not really..."

"Oh."

The awkward silence returned.

"…"

"…"

"Do you want to know why I was expelled in the first place?"

"I'm not telling you why I don't like fire Yang."

"That's fine, just let me do this! Anyway, it all started when…"

 _To_ ** _Be_** _Continued **...**_


End file.
